Things No One Tells You When Planning a LGBTQ+ Wedding (but I will!)

The Myth of the “Perfect” Wedding

Is there really such a thing as a perfect wedding?

I’ve witnessed many ceremonies — and honestly, the only one I used to think wasn’t perfect was my own. Isn’t that how it goes? We build this picture in our minds: the tables will look exactly like this, the outfit will flow just right, and the hair… oh yes, the hair has to be flawless. That was definitely me on my wedding day.

But let’s talk about what happens before the big moment. The planning. The Pinterest boards. The guest lists. The food tastings. The constant “Are we doing this right?”

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re the one managing most of it. (And if not — bless you.) I’m not saying your partner isn’t involved… but usually one person becomes the visionary, the planner, the spreadsheet magician. That was me. I wanted everything to be perfect.

And then there’s society.

Social media makes it look effortless — the curated ceremonies, the cinematic first looks, the magazine-worthy receptions. It subtly whispers that your wedding should look a certain way. Add in family expectations, traditions that may or may not resonate, and the opinions of a wedding party… and suddenly it feels like chaos.

Hands up. Overwhelmed. Ready to throw in the bouquet before you even walk down the aisle.

But wait.

Here’s the truth no one says loudly enough:

You do not have to conform.  Be authentically yourself!  This is not a race or contest – at least it shouldn’t be – this about you and your partner making a very special moment, public, with family and friends.  It most certainly should be all about YOU!

Vendor Vibes Matter More Than You Think

Not all vendors are the same — just like we aren’t all the same.

When you see the word “inclusive,” ask yourself: what does that really mean?

Inclusion is not quiet tolerance.Inclusion is celebration.

If a vendor says they are inclusive but operates in rigid black-and-white thinking while you live boldly in color, that is not alignment. Inclusion means honoring pronouns without hesitation. It means understanding gender identity. It means celebrating your love story — not just accommodating it.

I know what it feels like to be tolerated but not celebrated. When I told my parents I was a lesbian, there was tolerance — but never celebration. Even at my wedding.

Your wedding day should be surrounded by celebration.

Invite vendors and guests who light up when they see you. Who affirm you. Who understand that your uniqueness is not something to manage — it’s something to honor.

And yes… let’s talk red flags.

If something feels off, trust that feeling. You are not “too sensitive.” You are intuitive. Vendors are running a business, and not every client will align with every vendor — and that’s okay. Ask direct questions. Clarify expectations. Lead with honesty and facts, not assumptions.

Your peace is worth protecting.

You Don’t Have to Copy Straight Wedding Traditions

Let’s just say it plainly: you do not have to recreate a wedding template that was never designed with you in mind.

I identify as gender fluid and present more masculine most of the time. When I got married, I had long hair (very different from my short cut now). My wife had been married before, but this was my first and only wedding — so I wanted to walk down the aisle.

Yes. I wanted that moment.

I wore a pantsuit. Absolutely no dress for this girl. But I also had my hair done beautifully and wore a sunflower veil. Feminine? Masculine? Both? Neither? It was simply me.

People love to ask lesbian couples, “So who’s the man and who’s the woman?”

Neither. Both. That question doesn’t apply.

There are no required gender roles in your ceremony. Only the roles you choose.

Bouquet toss? Garter toss? Keep them if they spark joy. Skip them if they don’t. We skipped both. Instead, we wore matching rainbow underwear under white linen britches (yes, I’m Southern and I will always call them britches). We even bent over for a photo to show them off.

Joy. Playfulness. Ours.

And the vows? Please — write your own. Or have someone help you. Sit with your heart. Reflect on what your partner truly means to you. Those words will outlive the flowers, the cake, and the playlist.

Your Ceremony Is the Heart, Not the Party

Here’s the part no one emphasizes enough:

The ceremony is the reason for everything else.

The party is beautiful. The dancing is fun. The food is lovely. But the ceremony? That is the sacred moment where two lives intentionally intertwine.

It is where promises are spoken out loud.Where witnesses gather.Where love is declared boldly.

Do not treat it like a formality you rush through to get to the reception.

Slow it down. Breathe in that space. Let it reflect your values. Your journey. Your resilience. Especially as an LGBTQ+ couple — your love may have already navigated misunderstanding, judgment, or silence. That ceremony becomes a reclaiming. A declaration. A celebration of survival and joy.

That moment deserves intention.

Build It Your Way

All in all, your love is not traditional — it is transformational.

My wife and I say to each other every day, “Population Us.” We built our family. We built our world. And we continue to build it intentionally.

Now go build yours.

Choose vendors who celebrate you, not just tolerate you. Honor yourself enough to protect your peace. Remember that you are worthy of a wedding day that feels like freedom.

And if you’re looking for a ceremony rooted in authenticity, celebration, trust, and truth — I would be honored to stand with you.

If you’re already married and know someone beginning this journey, send them my way.

Love you all.Keep on keeping on.Be unstoppable.