Being a Masc. Woman in an Old-School World

My handsome dog, Shadow, and I.

I have been called “sir” more times than I can count. I have a short haircut that some would say would be better suited for a guy. I shop in the men’s department. I carry myself in a masculine way. I have been asked, “Why do you want to look like a boy?”

The list goes on.

As a child, I even convinced myself that maybe I had been born intersex and my parents chose to raise me as a girl because they already had a son. That was the mentality of an 8-, 9-, or 10-year-old girl who had absolutely no clue what homosexuality was — only that I felt different.

I grew up in a very religious home. Private schools off and on until I was 12. Southern Baptist preacher’s kid — fourth generation, might I add. Real-world issues weren’t discussed in our house. They were avoided. Tucked away. Labeled as sin before I even understood what they were.

I remember being 4 or 5 years old and completely enamored with my Sunday School teacher. She was kind. Gentle. Warm. And she was a woman. But since I only understood the world through the lens of husband and wife, I didn’t have language for what I felt. So I filed it away as normal.

I was a tomboy — and when I say tomboy, I mean TOMBOY. Soccer. “Boy” sports. Boys’ clothes. Dirt. Movement. Energy. I thought that was normal. And most of the time it was fine… except for the constant reminder: “Be a lady.”

YOOHOOOOOO — I didn’t ask to be a lady.

I was 16 the first time I heard the word “lesbian.” It wasn’t in a classroom. It wasn’t in a healthy conversation. It was thrown at me because I had a Mickey Mouse sticker with a rainbow on my car.

“You’re a lesbian.”

I didn’t even know what that meant.

There was no internet at my fingertips. No representation in my world. Just confusion.

A couple of years later, an older girl showed interest in me and handed me a Sarah McLachlan tape — Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. I remember hearing “Elsewhere” and feeling something unlock inside me. That music, that moment, gave me the courage to come out to my family.

It wasn’t easy. And that story — and where it stands today — is for another blog.

But here’s what I’ve come to understand.

Back then, the labels were simple: Butch. Soft Butch. Lipstick Lesbian. You picked one and tried to figure out where you fit. At 18, I realized I wasn’t just gay — I leaned masculine. Soft butch, they would’ve said.

Today? If we’re using labels, I’d probably land closer to butch.

And here’s the part that surprises people: I despise being mistaken for a man.

I am cisgender. My pronouns are she/her. I am a woman — through and through.

And yet, grocery stores. Airports. Restaurants. Gas stations. It happens. Someone says “sir.” Someone double-takes walking into a restroom. Someone checks the sign on the door to make sure they’re in the “right” place after seeing me.

It is exhausting.

Using public facilities shouldn’t feel like a social experiment. Walking through an airport shouldn’t require mental preparation. But sometimes I brace myself anyway, wondering if today will be the day I have to prove I belong in the women’s line.

That is humiliating.

And it’s confusing in a way I didn’t expect. Because growing up in the 80s, 90s and early 2000s, being a masculine lesbian felt more straightforward. Now, in a world having louder and more complicated conversations about gender, my existence sometimes feels like a debate topic.

But here’s what I know.

My masculinity does not cancel my womanhood.

Short hair does not revoke my identity. Men’s jeans do not erase my biology. My posture, my walk, my presence — none of it makes me less of a woman.

I am not confused. I am not pretending. I am not trying to be anything other than exactly who I am.

Yes, it still stings when someone calls me “sir.” Yes, I still feel that flicker of anxiety walking into certain spaces. But I am done shrinking myself to make other people comfortable.

I am a masc woman.

I am she/her.

I am not less.

And I don’t owe anyone an explanation for existing exactly as I was created. I hope you feel the same way about just being YOU! Authentically YOU!